Redneck Jokes
You might be a redneck if…….
• More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
• You think the stock market has a fence around it.
• You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
• You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.
• Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
• Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.
• You've ever used lard in bed.
• Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
• You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
• You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.
• Your home has more miles on it than your car.
• Your Christmas tree is still up in February.
• You've ever been arrested for loitering.
• You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouvre.
• There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.
• You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.
• You've ever shot anyone for looking at you.
• You own a homemade fur coat.
• Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
• Your momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
• You've totaled every car you've ever owned.
• There are more than five McDonald's bags currently on the floorboard of your car.
• Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.
• There is a wasp nest in your living room.
• The Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.
• You give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.
• There has ever been crime-scene tape on your front door.
• You burn your front yard rather than mow it.
• You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
• Fewer than half of your cars run.
• You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
• The taillight covers of your car are made of tape.
• Your car has never had a full tank of gas.
• Any of your kids were conceived in a car wash.
• Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal.
• You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
• You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.
• Your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.
• Your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.
• Your momma doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her a--.
• You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue Ellen to walk by.
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