You might be a redneck if…….
• Your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.
• You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a huntin' dog.
• You're an expert on worm beds.
• The dogcatcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.
• Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath!"
• Your family tree does not fork.
• The flood history of the area can be seen on your living room walls.
• You haul more than U-Haul.
• Your momma has ever stomped into the house and announced, "The feud is back on!"
• There is a gun rack on your bicycle.
• Your wedding was held in the delivery room.
• Your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.
• Your wife's hairdo attracts bees.
• Your baby's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers."
• The antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.
• Your primary source of income is the pawnshop.
• You pick your teeth from a catalog.
• You've ever financed a tattoo.
• You refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the "day my ship came in."
• A ceiling fan has ever ruined your hairdo.
• Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event.
• You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
• You own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.
• The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
• You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
• The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
• Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
• You entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.
• You go to the family reunion to pick up women.
• Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.
• You can't tell what color your car is because of the dirt.
• You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.
• None of your shirts cover your stomach.
• Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
• The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.
• You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.
• You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
• You use the term `over yonder' more than once a month.
• Birds are attracted to your beard.
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Redneck Jokes
