You might be a redneck if…….
• The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".
• Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
• Every electrical outlet in your house is a fire hazard.
• Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mud flaps.
• You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
• You fainted when you met Slim Whitman.
• You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
• Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people".
• You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
• Your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
• You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.
• You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.
• Red Man sends you a Christmas card.
• The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
• You bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.
• Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
• Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
• Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
• You have started a petition to change the National Anthem to "Georgia on My Mind".
• You call your boss "Buddy", on a regular basis.
• You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.
• You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance. (Is that a bad mental image or what?)
• You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
• You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
• The biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.
• You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
• Someone in your family says "Cum'n heer an' lookit this afore I flush it."
• Your wife weighs more then your refrigerator.
• You move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.
• You mow your lawn and find a car.
• You can spit without opening your mouth.
• Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes and a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.
• You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.
• You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.
• You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
• You can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
• You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
• You participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".
Copyright © 2001 - 2008, Glen L. Reeves. All rights reserved. Site Disclaimer About Glen's Place Contact Guestbook
Redneck Jokes
